http://www.hubspot.com/sales/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-summary
Next time you’re about to give a shallow compliment to someone, stop yourself and offer a few words of honest appreciation instead.
For example, instead of making a comment about liking your co-worker’s new shoes, tell her that her presentation last week gave you some really useful takeaways, or mention that you’re very impressed by her patience when handling tough clients.
If you’re worried about coming up with these comments on the spot, make a habit of thinking about people’s best features when you interact with them, so that when you see them next, those points will be top of mind.
give people what they want, not what you want.
To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own.
Most salespeople spend a lifetime selling without seeing things from the customer’s angle, wondering why they’re not successful as they completely ignore the customer’s needs.
If we can put aside our own thoughts, opinions, and wants, and truly see things from another person’s perspective, we will be able to convince them that it is in their best interest to do whatever it is we’re after.
Next time you want to persuade someone to do something, before you speak, pause and ask yourself, “How can I make this person want to do it? How can I frame this in terms of her wants?”
When you’re writing an email that contains a request, try replacing “I” and “my” with “you” and “your” as much as possible. Craft your language to make it about them.
We like people who show interest in us, who admire us. And so, to make people like us, we must show genuine interest in them.
Remember that the people we are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their own problems than they are in us and our problems.
Aim to do 75% listening and 25% talking.
As you practice this, pay attention to what causes you to jump in with more talking. Are you filling awkward silences? Do you tend to get carried away when you tell stories or share ideas? Think of some ways you can encourage the other person to do more of the sharing.
Before your next meeting with someone, do a bit of research on their website or LinkedIn profile, and see if you can find out about one of their hobbies, favorite places, or pieces of work.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone, don’t respond with criticism or a negative email. Instead, sleep on it. You’d be surprised how much perspective you can gain by giving yourself a bit of time to think the situation over.
Next time you find yourself in the wrong, challenge yourself to be the first to point it out. If you messed up on a work project, approach your boss about it, or bring it up next time you meet with her. By conveying that you not only acknowledge your mistakes but also that you’ve thought about how to avoid making similar mistakes down the line, you show your boss that you are responsible, honest, and diligent, and she is far more likely to dismiss the issue and continue to trust you.
Have at least five minutes of pleasant conversation before you bring up the issue at hand.
What we want to do instead is get the person saying “yes” as soon as possible. This starts the person moving in the affirmative direction where no withdrawal takes place. Our opponent now has a very accepting, open attitude.
Pointing out early on that you share the same ultimate goals will help start the conversation with a more agreeable tone.
Don’t condemn them; try to understand them.
http://www.asianefficiency.com/books/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-dale-carnegie/
Next time you’re about to give a shallow compliment to someone, stop yourself and offer a few words of honest appreciation instead.
For example, instead of making a comment about liking your co-worker’s new shoes, tell her that her presentation last week gave you some really useful takeaways, or mention that you’re very impressed by her patience when handling tough clients.
If you’re worried about coming up with these comments on the spot, make a habit of thinking about people’s best features when you interact with them, so that when you see them next, those points will be top of mind.
give people what they want, not what you want.
To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And in order to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own.
Most salespeople spend a lifetime selling without seeing things from the customer’s angle, wondering why they’re not successful as they completely ignore the customer’s needs.
If we can put aside our own thoughts, opinions, and wants, and truly see things from another person’s perspective, we will be able to convince them that it is in their best interest to do whatever it is we’re after.
Next time you want to persuade someone to do something, before you speak, pause and ask yourself, “How can I make this person want to do it? How can I frame this in terms of her wants?”
When you’re writing an email that contains a request, try replacing “I” and “my” with “you” and “your” as much as possible. Craft your language to make it about them.
We like people who show interest in us, who admire us. And so, to make people like us, we must show genuine interest in them.
Why do we pay more attention to what we wear on our bodies than what we wear on our faces?
A person's name is a very powerful thing - it's an embodiment of that person's identity. It's a reference to them. So remembering and using someone's name is a great way to make that person feel important.
Most of us are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don’t truly listen when someone else is speaking. Yet, most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker.
Aim to do 75% listening and 25% talking.
As you practice this, pay attention to what causes you to jump in with more talking. Are you filling awkward silences? Do you tend to get carried away when you tell stories or share ideas? Think of some ways you can encourage the other person to do more of the sharing.
Before your next meeting with someone, do a bit of research on their website or LinkedIn profile, and see if you can find out about one of their hobbies, favorite places, or pieces of work.
Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
- Welcome the disagreement. If the other person is raising a point we haven’t considered, we can be thankful it’s brought to our attention. It may save us from making a mistake.
- Distrust our first instinctive impression. Our natural reaction to a disagreeable situation is to become defensive. We should keep calm and watch out for how we first react.
- Control our temper. Only negative outcomes result from a bad temper.
- Listen first. We can give our opponents a chance to talk without interrupting, and let them finish without resisting, defending, or debating.
- Look for areas of agreement. Surface those first.
- Be honest. Look for areas where we can admit error and apologize for our mistakes. This helps reduce defensiveness.
- Promise to think over our opponents’ ideas and study them carefully. And mean it. Thank our opponents sincerely for their interest. If they’re taking the time to argue with us, they’re interested in the same things we are.
- Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem. In the meantime, ask ourselves honestly if our opponents might be right, or partly right.
Next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone, don’t respond with criticism or a negative email. Instead, sleep on it. You’d be surprised how much perspective you can gain by giving yourself a bit of time to think the situation over.
Instead of starting with “You’re wrong,” what if we were to say, “Well now, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. If I am wrong, I want to know why. Let’s examine the facts.”
it’s impossible to win an argument. If we lose the argument, we lose; if we win the argument, we have made the other person feel inferior, hurt his pride, and made him resent us. In other words, we still lose.Next time you find yourself in the wrong, challenge yourself to be the first to point it out. If you messed up on a work project, approach your boss about it, or bring it up next time you meet with her. By conveying that you not only acknowledge your mistakes but also that you’ve thought about how to avoid making similar mistakes down the line, you show your boss that you are responsible, honest, and diligent, and she is far more likely to dismiss the issue and continue to trust you.
Have at least five minutes of pleasant conversation before you bring up the issue at hand.
What we want to do instead is get the person saying “yes” as soon as possible. This starts the person moving in the affirmative direction where no withdrawal takes place. Our opponent now has a very accepting, open attitude.
Pointing out early on that you share the same ultimate goals will help start the conversation with a more agreeable tone.
We are often tempted to interrupt someone when we disagree with them. But we shouldn’t interrupt - it’s very dangerous. They won’t pay attention to our thoughts while they still have a number of their own to express. We must listen patiently and with an open mind, and be sincere in encouraging them to share their ideas fully.
other people may be totally wrong, but they don’t think they are. Don’t condemn them; try to understand them.
http://www.asianefficiency.com/books/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-dale-carnegie/
